In For The Hat Trick

We have a deeply romanticized picture of football transfers. Directors jet from city to city. Malevolent agents knock over little children playing in local parks. Harry Redknapp dashes across the countryside, checkbook in hand, his greedy eyes fixed on another “smashing” player.

Sir Alex Ferguson likes to remind the media about his famous mid-‘90s bicycle ride through Paris in hot pursuit of Eric Cantona, who had been considering retirement. Fergie obviously takes pride in this exploit, even though, at 70, he would be hard pressed to replicate it. Journalists constantly use this tale as “evidence” of the vaunted Manchester United Spirit, the never-say-die attitude that — with the help of, arguably, the Premier League’s two greatest foreign imports, savvy marketing and a once-in-a-lifetime generation of players – is the foundation stone on which Ferguson’s Old Trafford edifice rests.

But most of what we think we know about football transfers is made-up. For instance – to borrow from Mr. Ferguson once again – Dimitar Berbatov almost certainly did not hide under a blanket in the back of Fergie’s mini-van on transfer deadline day in 2008. And, contrary to what Sky Sports News might tell you, “noteworthy” developments are very rare indeed in the world of football transfers.

Not that we, chief beneficiaries of the contrived sports entertainment that the Premier League seems to have become, care a jot about The Truth. Lies don’t detract from the fun.

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Another epic week of football coverage.

Sid Lowe reflects on Real Madrid’s title triumph.

Jonathan Wilson dissects Barca’s decline.

The FCF talks great goals.

Iain Macintosh on Roy Hodgson.

Tim Vickery assesses the state of Argentinian football.

That goal.

Two years ago, Fernando Torres would have expected to start a Champions League semi-final. He was a frequent international goal-scorer, a fan-favorite, and Liverpool’s run-away star. Now he’s just a chronically lethargic, over- priced flop.

Torres signed for Chelsea because he thought he might win something. Little did he know that his arrival would coincide with the decline that has been obvious all season. Di Matteo’s team is, essentially, a poor-man’s version of the Chelsea of old. The club have abandoned Villas-Boas’ lofty attacking principles and reverted to the defensive style preached by Jose Mourinho, largely because the marquee players whose signings was intended to elevate Chelsea to Barcelona’s stratosphere have disappointed. David Luiz is a liability at the back, and Torres is a hollow, lifeless version of his former self.

Andre Villas-Boas was hired to facilitate a transition at Stamford Bridge. He was a youthful innovative coach; change was his MO.  But his revolution has been half-baked. Villas-Boas signed young stars like Mata and Lukaku, but he couldn’t dislodge the core of Mourinho’s team: Cech, Terry, Lampard and Drogba. Josh McEachran, instead of easing into the Chelsea first team, was loaned to Swansea where he has struggled for playing time. Chelsea’s midfield is dominated by functional, dogged defensive types, players like Essien, Ramires, Romeu and Mikel.

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