For every Chicharito, there are a thousand and one ridiculously ill fated transfers that take place every year. Here are three of them that have caught my eye this summer.
1. Carson To Bursaspor- It’s difficult to know where to start with this one, whether it be with Carson’s mediocrity, or the ridiculousness of an English player trying his luck in Turkey, it will all boil down to the same thing- I just can’t see those terrifically British teeth of Scott Carson biting into a kofta kebab or a patlican dolma. I just can’t see it.
Carson has enjoyed a mixed career, he was briefly the next great English goalkeeper- before he got the rite of passage mistake which always seems to be bestowed on players with that title. In eight years, Carson has bounced around the two highest English divisions, playing for Leeds, West Brom, Villa and Liverpool among others. And now he’s gone to Turkey. I can’t say I’ll miss him, his smile, or even that error against Croatia, but good luck to him nonetheless.
2. McLeish To Aston Villa- According to the Aston Villa chief executive, Alex McLeish was brought to Villa in part for his Premier League experience. Now, whether two and a half seasons in the Premier League constitutes experience is debatable, but I’ll let that go for now, what’s interesting is that the Villa chief didn’t mention the other thing that McLeish has experience with. Relegation. Twice relegated over the course of a four year career in English football isn’t a particular impressive resume, certainly not one that should attract an ambitious club like Aston Villa.
Alex McLeish will start out at Villa next season with his most important potential allies, the fans, firmly against him due to his Birmingham history, and you can be sure that if the shape of Villa’s opening week bares even the slightest resemblance to a pear, he’ll be out of there faster than Birmingham’s nosedive into the Championship.
3. Kevin Nolan To West Ham- If you haven’t already read me vent against this transfer, then you will now. A move from the Premier League to the Championship is one clear indicator that perhaps Kevin Nolan intelligence doesn’t differ drastically from that expected of an English footballer, but his move to West Ham proves that actually, it does differ drastically. The lad makes Rio Ferdinand look like some kind of blend between Stephen Hawking and Hermione Granger.
Freshly relegated from the Premiership, West Ham is what happens when you put porn directors in charge of a football club. Soon to be stripped of all their best players, West Ham may struggle to return to the Premiership at the first time of asking, condemning former Newcastle midfielder Nolan to a career that will likely end in England’s second division.